Well, today is THE day that we leave for Houston for my surgery. We will be leaving in an hour or so. (big sigh) I have to admit that my anxiety level is increased this morning.....now where is that xanax???? I pray and cry every five minutes or so it seems and probably will continue to do so all day. And for those of you who know about the colon cleanout process.....well, let's just say I will be occupied in another sense for the rest of the day too, but we won't get into that here.
I think the absolute hardest thing for me to do is to leave Jared during this week. I love him so much. I want to protect him and make sure that he is okay with all of this cancer stuff. I have given him extra hugs and kisses and I love you's. He knows in his heart that I love him with all of mine. Hopefully, that will help to ease his own fears about this process we are about to go through.
We put our Christmas tree up last night. All the while, we listened to and sang along to Christmas songs, drank hot chocolate using my precious Aunt Phyllis's recipe. Bruce Springsteen's "Santa Claus is coming to town" really got us in the Christmas tree trimming mood, let me tell you!!
Afterwards, we met my beautiful sister, Anita Kay downtown for the Christmas parade and fireworks. That was fun. Jared was grinning from ear to ear. We then came home and I cooked Jared his favorite supper-time meal of which included pancakes, sausage and scrambled eggs. He loves to have breakfast for supper. :)
We had a GREAT Saturday!!! Now, it is "get down to business" time. Thank you to Denny (Danita), Jeff and Misty and Aunt Anita Kay and Uncle Dody for taking care of Jared this week for me. I love you all and appreciate it greatly!
Gonna hit the road in just a bit. Thank you all for your prayers.....keem 'em coming. I am putting my faith and trust in God that HE will take care of me and protect me, Jared and my family throughout this week and with the rest of my journey. Moonbeam love to you all!!!!
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Final pre-op visit today!
My mom and I are two weary travelers this evening. We thought we were going to be home "early" today, say like right after lunch. NOT!!! The reason is that I had to have some extra x-rays today after my extremely thorough Anesthesia Consult. Wow.......we were IMPRESSED!!!! After the consult, my mom and I felt so much more at ease about the surgery. One of the most experienced Anesthesiologists came in to meet us and he, without prompting, told us that my surgical oncologist was an excellent surgeon. He said that he had worked with Dr. Feig for years and he has had only on a very rare occasion any complications with surgery or anesthesia. WHEW!!!!! What a relief that was to hear!!!
I received all of my instructions, the time to report to the hospital which is BEFORE DAYLIGHT!! They won't have to give me much sedation because I will still be asleep!! HAHA
I am feeling good about the surgery. I am feeling hopeful about the outcome. I am still praying hard and would appreciate all of you to continue praying for not only me but my son, Jared, and my family. WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!!!
I also got my colon cancer paraphanelia in today. It includes car magnets and bracelets. My 71 year old, precious Daddy is wearing a "Cancer Sucks" blue bracelet on his wrist! I was amazed he even agreed to put it on. This made me smile. I got a car magnet which is in the shape of a blue ribbon (colon cancer) for all of my siblings. I also got small car magnets for me: leukemia (orange), brain cancer (gray), liver cancer (green), melanoma (black), and pancreatic cancer (purple).
Why you ask??
Colon cancer is for me, obviously.
My baby brother Jeffery, was diagnosed with leukemia (ALL) when he was 17 years old. He was up against some really tough odds but he won his battle. He is fourteen years out in remission!!!! They said he would never become a father because of all of his chemo but by the grace of God, he is the proud father of three beautiful daughters and a son is on the way!!!! My brother Brad said it best recently. Brad wrote: "My brother Jeff was almost lost to us because of leukemia a few years back. Even with death breathing down his neck, he never gave up and never became negative because of it." Jeffery is an inspiration because he remained the utmost optimist throughout a long 2 year battle with an acute form of leukemia that could have easily killed him. And he is still an optimist!
My beautiful cousin, Melissa Rene', was diagnosed with brain cancer one month after she graduated from college. She battled hard for almost eight years. Her doctors only gave her six months to live when they diagnosed her originally. Boy, was she a fighter!!! She lost her fight with brain cancer just one month after she turned 33. I miss her so much! It still hurts to this day to know she isn't on this earth anymore. Do you know that I never, and I mean NEVER, heard her complain about her cancer, her not feeling well, her losing all of her hair, etc. SHE ALWAYS HAD A SMILE ON HER FACE!!!! When people would ask her how she was feeling, she would say "With my fingers and toes, and you?" She handled herself with such grace throughout her entire ordeal. I know she must have had the same thoughts cross her mind that have crossed my mind. I know she had to have been scared out of her mind at times and she had to have cried and had her breakdown moments.....just like me. I know this.......NOW. I aspire to be like Missy. What an incredible example she set for me. I can only hope to be as graceful, strong and determined as she throughout my own journey.
Sam, a very dear friend of mine, died last year on my birthday. He lost his battle with liver cancer. On that day, he was surrounded by his wife, children, grandchildren and close friends at home, just like he wanted. He was a man's man to the end. More than that, he was an incredibly loving, loyal and faithful husband, father, grandfather and friend. And oh, that laugh of his!!!! Contagious, I tell ya! HE was the epitomy of strength and dignity.
Kim, my favorite sister-in-law, is currently battling melanoma. This chick, let me tell you is nothing short of an inspiration! After finding out she had cancer, she has finished her bachelor's degree while working full-time. She and my brother became the proud parents of an absolutely gorgeous daughter, Jillian who is now four months old AND GET THIS......Kim is receiving her Masters Degree this next Saturday. See, I told you she was an inspiration!!!! She is still battling but she is also an incredible example of living her life to the fullest! The Big C sure isn't slowing her down!!!!! :)
My Uncle David battled pancreatic cancer for two years before succombing to this absolutely horrible cancer. In spite of everything he endured, I never saw him frown. Not once. He was so sick for so long but never refused visitors and always had a smile on his face, even knowing what he was facing.
All of these very special people who are/were so instrumental and important parts in my life have all been affected by cancer. I know that I am not the first and probably won't be the last. I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to love them, share their struggles with them and learn from them. They have all helped prepared me for tTHIS moment in my life and the challenges that I am currently facing. I know that Missy, Sam and Uncle David are with me in spirit and helping to guide me. Jeffery and Kim are both here to help keep me in the present and help me to remember to live one precious day at a time. And what a truly fabulous day it is!!!
Now, I am going to get a good night's sleep in my own "comfty" bed. :) Moonbeam love to you all!!!!!
I received all of my instructions, the time to report to the hospital which is BEFORE DAYLIGHT!! They won't have to give me much sedation because I will still be asleep!! HAHA
I am feeling good about the surgery. I am feeling hopeful about the outcome. I am still praying hard and would appreciate all of you to continue praying for not only me but my son, Jared, and my family. WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!!!
I also got my colon cancer paraphanelia in today. It includes car magnets and bracelets. My 71 year old, precious Daddy is wearing a "Cancer Sucks" blue bracelet on his wrist! I was amazed he even agreed to put it on. This made me smile. I got a car magnet which is in the shape of a blue ribbon (colon cancer) for all of my siblings. I also got small car magnets for me: leukemia (orange), brain cancer (gray), liver cancer (green), melanoma (black), and pancreatic cancer (purple).
Why you ask??
Colon cancer is for me, obviously.
My baby brother Jeffery, was diagnosed with leukemia (ALL) when he was 17 years old. He was up against some really tough odds but he won his battle. He is fourteen years out in remission!!!! They said he would never become a father because of all of his chemo but by the grace of God, he is the proud father of three beautiful daughters and a son is on the way!!!! My brother Brad said it best recently. Brad wrote: "My brother Jeff was almost lost to us because of leukemia a few years back. Even with death breathing down his neck, he never gave up and never became negative because of it." Jeffery is an inspiration because he remained the utmost optimist throughout a long 2 year battle with an acute form of leukemia that could have easily killed him. And he is still an optimist!
My beautiful cousin, Melissa Rene', was diagnosed with brain cancer one month after she graduated from college. She battled hard for almost eight years. Her doctors only gave her six months to live when they diagnosed her originally. Boy, was she a fighter!!! She lost her fight with brain cancer just one month after she turned 33. I miss her so much! It still hurts to this day to know she isn't on this earth anymore. Do you know that I never, and I mean NEVER, heard her complain about her cancer, her not feeling well, her losing all of her hair, etc. SHE ALWAYS HAD A SMILE ON HER FACE!!!! When people would ask her how she was feeling, she would say "With my fingers and toes, and you?" She handled herself with such grace throughout her entire ordeal. I know she must have had the same thoughts cross her mind that have crossed my mind. I know she had to have been scared out of her mind at times and she had to have cried and had her breakdown moments.....just like me. I know this.......NOW. I aspire to be like Missy. What an incredible example she set for me. I can only hope to be as graceful, strong and determined as she throughout my own journey.
Sam, a very dear friend of mine, died last year on my birthday. He lost his battle with liver cancer. On that day, he was surrounded by his wife, children, grandchildren and close friends at home, just like he wanted. He was a man's man to the end. More than that, he was an incredibly loving, loyal and faithful husband, father, grandfather and friend. And oh, that laugh of his!!!! Contagious, I tell ya! HE was the epitomy of strength and dignity.
Kim, my favorite sister-in-law, is currently battling melanoma. This chick, let me tell you is nothing short of an inspiration! After finding out she had cancer, she has finished her bachelor's degree while working full-time. She and my brother became the proud parents of an absolutely gorgeous daughter, Jillian who is now four months old AND GET THIS......Kim is receiving her Masters Degree this next Saturday. See, I told you she was an inspiration!!!! She is still battling but she is also an incredible example of living her life to the fullest! The Big C sure isn't slowing her down!!!!! :)
My Uncle David battled pancreatic cancer for two years before succombing to this absolutely horrible cancer. In spite of everything he endured, I never saw him frown. Not once. He was so sick for so long but never refused visitors and always had a smile on his face, even knowing what he was facing.
All of these very special people who are/were so instrumental and important parts in my life have all been affected by cancer. I know that I am not the first and probably won't be the last. I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to love them, share their struggles with them and learn from them. They have all helped prepared me for tTHIS moment in my life and the challenges that I am currently facing. I know that Missy, Sam and Uncle David are with me in spirit and helping to guide me. Jeffery and Kim are both here to help keep me in the present and help me to remember to live one precious day at a time. And what a truly fabulous day it is!!!
Now, I am going to get a good night's sleep in my own "comfty" bed. :) Moonbeam love to you all!!!!!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
1st day of pre-op at MDACC done!
So, I am home tonight, utterly exhausted, both physically and mentally. What a day!!! Had to drive to Houston last night so that we could take the 6am shuttle from our hotel to MDACC for my first of four appts. today which started at 7:15am. I am not a morning person, people!!! It was sheer will that got me through this day. NO caffeine because I can't have any due to my SVT.......that is a story for another day!
To make a long story short....I had bloodwork, EKG, chest x-rays, and a consult with my surgical oncologist today. He is a hoot. I really dig him. He knows his shizat and is confident of himself and his surgical ability, he is a lot sarcastic (which I love), has a biting sense of humor and he pretty much just tells it like it is....no sugar coating it......it is what it is. Yep, he is a pretty good match for good ol' Moonbeam. I hate doctors who just dance around an issue or won't tell you the complete truth because they think you are too fragile to know it.
My truth is so far......I have colon cancer. I must have disection and resection of my colon stat. I may or may not have to have chemo or radiation. I may or may not have to have a temporary colostomy. I WILL have a really cool scar after it is all said and done that will run almost the entire length of my abdomen. My recovery will be at least 3 months and that is if I don't have chemo. And, I will have regular visits to MDACC for the rest of my life. God willing, it will be a LONG ONE!!!!!!!!
I did meet some interesting people today. Everyone is so friendly. There are people from literally EVERYWHERE!!! From all over the US and from abroad at MDACC getting treatment. I met an older couple from Mesquite, TX. He is in a clinical trial and he is doing much better and they feel like he is getting the drug and not the placebo since he is having such great results. Another couple I met this morning are from Gun Barrel CIty, TX. He just got his diagnosis today. He, like me, is just beginning his journey. Another friendly little man asked if he could sit next to me and he struck up a conversation with ME. He was from South/Central Illinois. His battle began earlier this month and boy was he a talkative chap. Such a sweet spirit, that one!
We only have short conversations but long enough to learn their names, where they are from and what type of cancer they are battling. We are all battling cancer so that is our common bond. This thing called cancer inexplicably connects us all together spiritually and believe me, we feel it. We do whatever we can to help one another and lift each other's spirits, make each other laugh or smile, give each other hugs, and words of encouragement. It is a very healing experience.
So, tomorrow, Mama and I are off again to Houston to spend the night so we can finish up my pre-op stuff Friday. Back home for Saturday which will be busy because I am spending the ENTIRE day with Jared putting up our Christmas tree and lights outside and giving him lots of extra hugs, kisses and I love you's. This way he can concentrate on Christmas and all of those happy thoughts while I am in Houston having surgery and recuperating!!!
Monday is surgery day!!!! (big sigh) Ready or not!!!!! Take a deep breath, this is really happening and HERE WE GO........................let's do this!
Melanie/Moonbeam
To make a long story short....I had bloodwork, EKG, chest x-rays, and a consult with my surgical oncologist today. He is a hoot. I really dig him. He knows his shizat and is confident of himself and his surgical ability, he is a lot sarcastic (which I love), has a biting sense of humor and he pretty much just tells it like it is....no sugar coating it......it is what it is. Yep, he is a pretty good match for good ol' Moonbeam. I hate doctors who just dance around an issue or won't tell you the complete truth because they think you are too fragile to know it.
My truth is so far......I have colon cancer. I must have disection and resection of my colon stat. I may or may not have to have chemo or radiation. I may or may not have to have a temporary colostomy. I WILL have a really cool scar after it is all said and done that will run almost the entire length of my abdomen. My recovery will be at least 3 months and that is if I don't have chemo. And, I will have regular visits to MDACC for the rest of my life. God willing, it will be a LONG ONE!!!!!!!!
I did meet some interesting people today. Everyone is so friendly. There are people from literally EVERYWHERE!!! From all over the US and from abroad at MDACC getting treatment. I met an older couple from Mesquite, TX. He is in a clinical trial and he is doing much better and they feel like he is getting the drug and not the placebo since he is having such great results. Another couple I met this morning are from Gun Barrel CIty, TX. He just got his diagnosis today. He, like me, is just beginning his journey. Another friendly little man asked if he could sit next to me and he struck up a conversation with ME. He was from South/Central Illinois. His battle began earlier this month and boy was he a talkative chap. Such a sweet spirit, that one!
We only have short conversations but long enough to learn their names, where they are from and what type of cancer they are battling. We are all battling cancer so that is our common bond. This thing called cancer inexplicably connects us all together spiritually and believe me, we feel it. We do whatever we can to help one another and lift each other's spirits, make each other laugh or smile, give each other hugs, and words of encouragement. It is a very healing experience.
So, tomorrow, Mama and I are off again to Houston to spend the night so we can finish up my pre-op stuff Friday. Back home for Saturday which will be busy because I am spending the ENTIRE day with Jared putting up our Christmas tree and lights outside and giving him lots of extra hugs, kisses and I love you's. This way he can concentrate on Christmas and all of those happy thoughts while I am in Houston having surgery and recuperating!!!
Monday is surgery day!!!! (big sigh) Ready or not!!!!! Take a deep breath, this is really happening and HERE WE GO........................let's do this!
Melanie/Moonbeam
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